Thursday, March 28, 2013

How to (not) sell a car on Craig's List.

Step 1:  Learn that your car (pretty desperately) needs a new transmission.  Change the plan of whose car to sell first.  Decide not to replace transmission, keep driving car.

Step 2: Post Craig's List ad including transmission disclaimer.  Research how to sell a car in Oregon and more importantly, how to identify counterfeit money.

Step 3:  Start screening calls.  Determine that the probability that the first nineteen thousand callers are looking for a car for their "16 year old daughter" is pretty slim.  Ignore those callers as well as their repeated texts.

Step 4:  Hold first appointment.  Disregard comments that your car was involved in a rear-end accident before you owned it, because this was not disclosed to you when you bought it and therefore, despite the blatantly clear evidence this person is pointing out (that you never noticed until now - but now you can't stop noticing), it must not be true.  Disregard similar comments during second appointment.  They are both refurbishers (who also do not have "16 year old daughters") - refuse their offers of 60% of what you are asking.

Step 5: Worry obsessively that the dude with the mafia-like accent, who has left you many menacing messages about wanting to buy your car, might actually track you down and show up at your door with a gun.

Step 6:  Decide that you have watched too many episodes of The Wire and let it go.

Step 7:  Freak out about not being able to sell your car in time.  Mourn the fact that a tax donation will not help you now.

Step 8:  Repost and hope for the best.  Eventually show car to nice, quiet, pregnant couple.  Begrudgingly negotiate 75% of original price.  Collect money, sign paperwork over and watch them drive your car away.  Cancel insurance immediately.  Call person who actually DOES have a 16-year old daughter and cancel appointment.

Step 9:  Make up a hundred stories about the pregnant couple and all the illegal things they plan to do with the car.   Check the money a hundred times.  Worry (x100) that the money is counterfeit.

Step 10:  Deposit money which is, in fact, not counterfeit.  Let the DMV worry about it from here...

thanks for nine great years!

No comments:

Post a Comment