Farangs-R-Us.

Yesterday we were looking for lunch while we waited for our train. We passed a cafe with tasty-looking food but as we stood there with our backpacks considering what to order, the guy behind the counter shook his head and pointed up the street. "Chicken, noodles," he said in English.

"Is that chicken?" I asked, pointing to a particularly intriguing pan of his veggies and meat that looked suspiciously like chicken.

He shook his head. "Fish." Still pointing up the street, he repeated, "Chicken, noodles." We sighed, gave one last longing look at what was definitely not fish, and walked in the direction he pointed.

"Chicken, noodles" - AKA "noodle soup"- is breakfast for everyone in SE Asia but it's also common farang food at any time of day. Noodle soup is cheap. It's readily available. It's easy to order by pointing and nodding - although almost every food stall owner we've met can say "noodle soup? chicken or pork? one or two?" - even if that's the only English they know.

Noodle soup is usually far less interesting than what the locals around us are eating. It's plain and dumbed-down because the food folks think our farang taste buds can't handle the local spice levels. But we can't read the local menu, and our attempts to request "what they're having" by gesturing toward other peoples' food haven't been too successful. So we add chili and eat our noodle soup.

(Incidentally, the "chicken, noodle" shop we were pointed to yesterday ended up serving rice and pork with a delicious smoked chili paste, served by a very nice man who spoke great English. Farangs: 1, cranky Thai cafe owner: 0!)

We've also gotten used to the "farang tax" that's employed regularly in tourist towns and occasionally in more remote areas. Cafe menus written in English usually have prices, menus in the local language often do not; market food stalls sometimes don't list prices regardless of the menu's language. So food folks can pretty much charge farangs whatever they want, and many do. With fruit stands, we can't begin to match locals on bartering so even if we get the price down it's still more than we should be paying. Generally speaking, this all seems fair since generally speaking, farangs earn more in their home country than the locals.

Sometimes the "farang tax" on food comes in different forms. Yesterday after our "chicken, noodle" lunch we bought doughnuts at the train station. We asked for two. "Three baht each," the grandmotherly food cart lady said. "They are very good. Four?" She may have even slipped us the Sullivan nod as she upped the quantity. We looked at each other - we had another two hour wait and four hours on the train, four doughnuts wasn't a bad idea - and nodded. She put five in the bag and charged us 15 baht (~$0.50). We smirked and handed over the money. Shockingly, the doughnuts were not "very good."

Taxis always charge farangs more than locals. But taxis charge too much, period. We avoid them whenever possible. Period.

National parks, museums, trains and buses in Thailand often charge a "farang tax." These places and services are usually government-subsidized and we don't pay taxes here. Also fair.

all aboard the way-too-expensive farang bus

to way-too-expensive Elewan National Park!

(That said, we did have one odd experience on the "Death Railway" train to and from Namtok the other day. For the privilege of this ride farangs pay 100 baht, Thai pay 40 baht. Fine, whatever.

our 100 baht ride

In this case it really is a foreigner fee - Japanese and Chinese tourists paid the 100 baht along with the French, German, Dutch, Argentine and American tourists. But for this ride they put all the foreigners on "special" cars. Seriously, there's a sign indicating that it's a "special" car.

we even had paparazzi

It was like having to ride the short bus, or sit at the kiddie table at Thanksgiving even though you're 23 years old. We'll pay our "farang tax", just let us sit with the locals!)

We've gotten used to paying farang prices, sometimes happily and sometimes through smiles with gritted teeth. Actually being called out as a "farang" by a local is another experience altogether. Like the time I was trying to get off the bus in Mae Sot but a mad rush of locals swarmed the door and I got stuck. The bus driver half-stood and yelled "THAIBLAH-THAIBLAH-THAIBLAHBLAH- FARANG-THAIBLAH-THAIBLAHBLAHBLAH!!!" and the crowd suddenly parted, letting me off the bus. That's going down as one of my Thailand highlights.

Or the time in Kamphaeng Phet, which doesn't see a lot of tourists, when we stopped at a small market for water. The shop owner was chatting with her mother while we shopped and paid, and every sentence included "farang." It was so odd to be talked about in front of our faces without having a clue what was being said. Was she charging the farangs the same price as the locals? Or more? Or was she saying that they don't see many farangs at the market? Or that those farangs sure did stink after riding their bikes around the park all day? We hope it was the first one (the price was certainly fair!) but most likely it was the last one. We'll never really know.

And then last night at the market we approached a cart with a lot of food options. The lady took one look at us and said, "Noodle soup? Chicken or pork? One or two?"

It was good soup.

This happens everywhere no matter who you are, where you're from, or where you're visiting. It's all part of the travel experience. We were "foreigners" to the fruit market ladies in Central Europe. We've been "farangs" since Vietnam, even though the term is mainly used in Thailand. In Australia and New Zealand we'll probably be the "Yanks" and we'll pay ridiculous prices for wool sweaters and kiwi fruit. What will they call us in Nepal?

Every-day-is-Friday five: dirty little secrets on Day 450.

Continent #4, country #13, day #450... It's not always smiley faces, gorgeous scenery, awesome history lessons, and delicious food. But you know that already.

Here's a peek into five of our travel realities that you might not know... (In fact, you might not even want to know a few of them!)

#1. Our "accommodations" bar drops daily. At some point we did have standards - large, spotless, airy rooms with fast wifi, ample shelves/hooks, free coffee or at least free hot water for instant coffee, bathroom sinks with functional plumbing, nice staff...

setting the bar in Hue

But now, if it's 300b (~$10) or less and looks to be in decent condition, we're sold. The other night we were shown a possible room and I watched a gecko scurry under the bed. My only thought was "oh cool! it's not a cockroach!" We took the room.

teeny tiny roommates in Mae Sariang

We hardly ever book in advance anymore and once we park we don't want to move, no matter how dodgy things get. Recently we've endured hot rooms, loud construction, loud neighbors, drunk neighbors, creepy neighbors, cranky staff, armies of ants, dozens of mossies and a handful of those apocalypse survivors.

We won't tolerate bed bugs, dirty sheets or smelly rooms but otherwise, it has to be pretty bad for us to muster the energy to switch guesthouses once we put our backpacks down.

#2. We can't remember the last time we wore deodorant and we can count on two hands the number of times we've worn it since Warsaw back in September. It wasn't necessary then because the weather was cool and then cold and then really cold, and it's completely useless now because we just sweat through it five minutes after we put it on.

huddling for warmth in Uzumlu

(December 2013)

needing as much space as possible

for air circulation in Sukhothai

(July 2014)

That might sound gross to you. Actually, wearing the stuff sounds gross to us now so we're even. Plus, not wearing deodorant definitely makes it easier to hand-wash shirts... which we do on a regular basis (you're welcome, Thailand).

#3. We are officially, completely over the whole noodles-for-breakfast thing. It took about 100 days in SE Asia but it finally happened.

Ho Chi Minh,

where it was novel

Sukhothai,

where we decided we were done

An "American" breakfast of eggs, toast, coffee, juice and bacon/sausage runs $4-5 which is exorbitant by SE Asia food prices... but we still splurge now and then just to avoid noodles.

Mae Hong Son,

where we were proud to be 'Murican

The real dirty little secret is that 7-11 has become our BFF here in Thailand, as sad as that might sound, and whenever possible we have 7-11 yogurt, fruit from a local stand, and (on a good day) corn flakes or muesli for breakfast. On a not-so-good day we try to find anything interesting at 7-11 to put into the yogurt. Pumpkin seeds are the latest win.

empty yogurt containers double as

beer steins and coffee cups (fyi)

But sometimes we still eat noodles. Sigh.

#4. Patrick went 450 days without a haircut. Because why not? But his long curls "didn't do what he wanted" (his words) so today he shaved them off.

going...

going...

gone

He just might go another 450 days without a haircut. Because why not?

And this is our big dirty little secret... #5. We aren't exactly done with this trip but we're looking forward to the end. We have reached the point where we just want things to be easy, and if it means staying another day in a strange little tourist town so that we can figure out the easiest way to go south and park on an island for a week or more, so be it. If it means six hours on one bus instead of three short bus rides, so be it. If it means eating a mediocre monthiversary lunch at a crappy farang restaurant, so be it.

at least the Thai curry sausage was delicious...

to 33 fifteenths!

As the final leg of our trip comes together we also talk more about our next life back in the States. Among the many things we have learned over the past 450 days, we've learned a lot about how we want to live going forward and I think we're eager to put that plan into motion.

But we don't want to short-change Cambodia, Nepal, and what we hope will be a truly awesome whirlwind farm tour down under. It can be difficult to stay present and enjoy the moment when there is so much to look forward to - and ponder, and worry about - but we're trying.

presence at Erawan National Park

Some people do this travel thing for years. We can definitely see why and how. Ourselves, we don't want to do this for years. We had hoped to be gone a year and we were kind of amazed when a year came and went back in April.

It's looking like one year will become two years. That will be pretty amazing as well.

And then our real journey begins...

Out of the tourist loop, into the melting pot of Mae Sot.

We were dreading the long songtheaw ride from Mae Sariang to Mae Sot. We'd read stories of people straddling crates of veggies, people sitting on top or hanging off the back the whole time, people throwing up over the side because of the winding roads, people suffering from the unbearably cold wind/rain, babies crying the whole time, it taking eight hours... Joy.

But it was fine. After several cramped uncomfortable songtheaw rides we made sure to get to the bus station early for a good seat but this wasn't really necessary - not only were we the only ones leaving the bus station, we had the whole songtheaw to ourselves for a good portion of the ride (which only took five hours, not eight). The roads were no more windy than the Chiang Mai-Pai route and while parts were a bit rough they were no worse than our minibus from Oudomxai-Pak Beng. The cool air through the mountains was heavenly - at one point I considered getting out a jacket, but then decided to enjoy the rare feeling of being cold instead. We even left on time and got in an hour early.

hour zero

hour one

hour two

Et cetera.

Mae Sot is not exactly a tourist town - the few tourists who do stop here are usually en route to Burma, Mae Sariang or Umphang. On the surface it's your average mid-sized Thai town with the usual spread of markets, shops, wats, 7-11s and the token pizza/burger joint (Famous Ray's in this case - they even deliver!). Very little is in English but everyone is really nice and as usual, charades with a smile generally bridge the communication gap.

Mae Sot's clock tower roundabout

Mae Sot street view

But after a few hours we noticed a difference between this and every other average mid-sized Thai town. There's an energy in Mae Sot, a buzz we hadn't really felt since... Morocco maybe?

Mae Sot is not your average mid-sized Thai town. It's a border town that does a lot of trade with Burma. Most of this is teak and gemstones, sometimes (like any border country) it's drugs. Sometimes (like any economically-challenged country) it's people - specifically, women and children.

There are thousands of Burmese migrants and refugees in Mae Sot. Some are able to find legitimate, decent work in town or the surrounding areas but many work in sweat shops and factories and some are illegally transported over borders to be employed in the sex industry. We'd learned a lot about the refugee plight from Patrick's family friend in Chiang Mai who works for this organization - all of this is a problem all along the border, in all of the towns we'd been visiting. It's just a bigger problem here right now.

We rode past a huge refugee camp on the way into town. It was the only time in rural SE Asia that we'd seen so many bungalows crammed so tightly together in such a small area. Near the camp, police checkpoints (scattered everywhere along our northern Thailand journey) actually checked passenger IDs - up to this point our drivers had either cruised through the checkpoints with a honk and a wave, or occasionally stopped to allow an officer to poke his head through the bus door for a peek.

Dozens of NGOs in Mae Sot work on behalf of migrants and refugees to provide fair, safe, income-producing opportunities. While we were in Mae Hong Son we had the idea that someone should organize an "NGO tour" that takes you around to agencies, where you hear information on the local issues and what's being done to address them. If any town needs an "NGO tour" it's Mae Sot.

But with no "NGO tour" to pass our time we visited the daytime market that felt more like a medina than a street market (only without the donkeys). Every face looked different; clothing ranged from western shorts and t-shirts to sarongs, hijabs and the occasional burqa. Women carrying baskets and packages on their heads weaved among young Thai men on motorbikes zipping through the streets. Children wore thanaka on their cheeks and arms. There were fruits and foods we'd never seen before. The diversity was impossible to ignore. It was busy, chaotic... and completely energizing.

We also walked to the border of Burma, about 5km from town center. We'd seen photos of people crossing the river illegally and between that and our police checkpoint experience we thought it would be a little more dramatic, but it was just an average border crossing. A good thing all in all, but still a rather anti-climactic 10km trek in 100 degree weather.

Burma from the base of the Friendship Bridge

Oh, and we stopped in the MEGAHOME - possibly larger than any Home Depot we have ever visited - to purchase work gloves for our sad little townie hands. Miming "gloves" is more difficult than it sounds but eventually the staff pointed us to the right aisle.

must say store name in BOOMING VOICE

What's above is a quick summary of what we knew about Mae Sot going in, what we observed in our 36 hours, and what we have since learned. (Any corrections and/or additional information would be most appreciated.) We still have many questions about what's actually going on in Burma right now, the politics between Thailand/Burma, the level of community support toward migrants and refugees and whether these camps are a good or bad thing, the success rates of the NGOs... We're not sure where to start for unbiased answers to any of those questions. And it also raises lots of questions about the current/constant US/Mexico immigration issue - not nearly as dire a situation, but nearer to our minds. Ahhh, politics.

Suffice to say, we really enjoyed our brief stay in Mae Sot. It's a fascinating town. And now let's move on to lighter topics...

Food notes:

• the vegetarian cafe up the street from our hostel had some fine Tom Yum and spicy noodles (no photo available, we were too hungry - just look for the only cafe with the yellow "vegetarian" sign on the main strip)
  
• Burmese food!

spicy tofu noodles for breakfast from the market

delicious dawet (rice flour strands, coconut juice, green dye)

• lunch at the Borderline Cafe, a great collective providing income opportunities to Burmese migrants and refugees - we stuffed ourselves with amazing chickpeas with flatbread, spring rolls, Burmese tea cake, Burmese tofu salad, ginger tea and lemongrass juice

the spring rolls were particularly amazing

• crepes from the crepe lady, open at 5pm - apparently she's famous because we had to wait about 20 minutes after placing our order

banana chocolate, egg

• Bai Fern for dinner was pretty disappointing

bland, pricey noodles

Lodging notes: Bai Fern Guesthouse was also pretty disappointing but given the looks of the other guesthouses we passed, it was probably our best option. Our room was a musty cave with a shared bathroom, but the staff were nice and it was cheap and they did provide free hot/cold drinking water which is pretty rare in Thailand. So for two nights that's all that really mattered.

And now our mountain "off the beaten path" diversion is done. Our lull has officially come to an end - we've mapped out the next few weeks and things might get a little crazy. But we're looking forward to something completely different - starting with the historic city of Sukhothai!

Every-day-is-Friday five: things to do on the Mae Hong Son loop (other than trek in hilltribe villages).

So there's this 600km loop you can take around the area west of Chiang Mai. It's recommended for those with ample time who want to see the mountains of Thailand and experience more remote hilltribe villages on the borders of Burma-aka-Myanmar and Thailand.

We had our remote hilltribe village experience already, and regular readers will know how we feel about hilltribe tours. But we had ample time and we wanted to see the mountains and get some exposure to the Burmese culture in the more remote western areas. So off we went...

You already know that we liked Chiang Mai. As for the rest of the loop, we didn't really care for Pai proper (this hilarious post pretty much explains why)...

Pai's night market - for tourists only

... but we liked the countryside of Pai a lot. Mae Hong Son was quaint and we had fun motorbiking the mountain roads...

Jong Kham lakeside view in Mae Hong Son

could be anywhere right now

... but the more remote, more rustic Mae Sariang was definitely our favorite spot on the loop.

the mighty Yuam River in Mae Sariang

Our top recommendation should you choose to do this: rent a car. A motorbike will be painful (did we mention the whole loop is about 600km of really windy roads for a lot of those kms?) and although the buses are convenient and affordable, they only stop in major towns so you can't stop to admire that pretty waterfall or that neat national park, or eat at that cute little roadside noodle shop. With a car, your pretty/neat/cute options are endless.

Here are five other things we recommend if you want to avoid trekking (and hippies, and rasta bars, and hamburgers, and travelers in general):

• Pai Canyon: one day we rented a motorbike and took a ride to what's described as "Pai's answer to the Grand Canyon" - once we got past the whole "Grand Canyon" comparison (it's so not), we appreciated how cool the "canyon" really was. We were a little on edge (no pun intended) walking on the ridges and scrambling up and down the bouldered trails, and we tried not to think about the fact that the paths we were walking on could probably disintegrate at any time... Aventura!
  

the king of all he surveys

"how do I get down?"

hard to see, but the drop on both sides: 30 meters
(feels like: 100 meters)

• Waterfalls: Mae Yen waterfall on the outskirts of Pai was totally worth the six-hour soggy boot investment. It's a little tricky to find, but once you do, the trail is mostly flat and follows the river within some really gorgeous jungle. We saw no one on the way in, and just one strange guy in camouflage on the way out. (Luckily - or unluckily? - we didn't have surfer Bob's experience.)
  

river crossing #2 (of 24)

triple play at Mae Yen waterfall

not crossing the river for once

can't see the Patrick for the trees

Pam Bok waterfall (on the way to Pai Canyon) was sorta cute; it's just a short walk to the falls and you can swim out and get a shower if you so choose. We did not so choose but the other four tourists visiting did.

not pictured: tourists

Pha Sua waterfall near Mae Hong Son was definitely worth the motorbike investment. We were the only ones there, and we just sat for a while watching the dragonflies and listening to the falls and the creek. (While you're in the area, stop by the Chinese village bordering Burma as well as the bamboo gardens for a short nature walk.)

Pha Sua waterfall (low season)

the creek at Pha Sua

fall in July at the bamboo gardens?

• National parks: there are several in the area, but the only ones we got to visit were Pha Sua NP mentioned above and Salawin NP in Mae Sariang. It's a 15 minute bike ride from town, and as promised by all the other bloggers whose reviews we read, the guards seemed surprised to see us and there really is just a 2km nature trail in the park. (What you won't find in the blogs: entrance is free.)  Despite the heat, the mossies, and the mud we enjoyed the short walk with our trail guide dog, and we hung out in the main area of the park for a bit staring at the lotus flowers and reading all the funny signs before heading back to town.
  

we were here

(we were also really sweaty so the picture is taken from afar)

he led us the whole 2km

third level of lotus: air

(second: in water,

first: underground)

just one of many

• Wats: soooooo many wats. Our favorites were up on hills. We got up really early one morning to catch the sunrise (aka "fog") over Wat Phra That Kong Mu in Mae Hong Son, and one afternoon in Mae Sariang we walked our bikes up a steep hill to see Wat Chom Thong's tall Buddha.

misty morning Wat Phra That Kong Mu

can't see the Jen for the Buddha

And then there was this one, and this one, and this one, and this one, and... well, you get the point.

• Taking a few "Sundays": we spent an extra day in each town just because. We loved our peaceful guesthouse away from the main strip in Pai, and we stayed near a lake in Mae Hong Son and a river in Mae Sariang. We'd heard that folks in these parts were more stand-offish than the rest of Thailand, but everyone we encountered in all three towns were really friendly and we're glad we spent the extra day lounging around and trying some of the local food spots instead of the tourist restaurants.

Food notes:

• Pai's Curry Shack is the place to be - this is a one-man show and his curries are divine, we ate here three of our four nights in Pai (the third night we succumbed to night market food, we didn't make that mistake again the fourth night!)

a man and a one-man show at The Curry Shack

khao soy curry at The Curry Shack

(we had it twice over three visits)

• Pai's Witching Well featured kitschy signs and pricey, small, disappointing breakfasts

pretty, but otherwise meh

• Pai Canyon's adventure featured a stop at a nameless roadside cafe for the best Tom Yum soup in the world

halfway between Pai and Pai Canyon

at the intersection on the left

• Mae Hong Son's repeated restaurant was Salween River, which featured excellent Burmese and Thai foods (we ate here two of our three nights)

khao soy with chicken

Burmese green tea salad

• we also ate at Mae Hong Son's Jiji, and it didn't wow us like Salween River the night before, hence no picture - but, to be fair, all we wanted at Jiji's was stir fry and both of ours were quite nice as far as stir fries go

• Mae Sariang's Sunday night market was great - excellent curries in takeaway bags coupled with sweet sticky rice for dessert

wrapped in banana leaf of course

• Mae Sariang's Sawadee had the benefit of good music, a river view, and location (it was right next to our hotel - quite handy during a rainstorm) but the food didn't really wow us

we mostly ate here in an attempt to avoid rice for once

Lodging notes:

• Pai's Mr Jan's Guesthouse was amazing - set in a huge herb garden, it was quiet and peaceful and the perfect retreat to get away from tourists in elephant pants and "same same... but different" t-shirts

it was also a great place to drink this

(finishing bottle in one night not recommended)

• Mae Hong Son's Johnnie House was great once we got our private ensuite room with lake view - the room with shared bathrooms (where we stayed for two nights) was cheap but not a room we would want to stay in again

hold out for the private ensuite with lake view

• Mae Sariang's PS@Riverview was perfect - the older couple who ran it might not have been the best housekeepers, but they gave us free coffee and free bananas and recycled Economist magazines and the room was large and airy with a river view

and water buffalo TV every morning and afternoon!

Travel notes for our fellow RTWers:

• from Chiang Mai we took an AC minibus (150b each, they run regularly from the Arcade Station until about 4pm)
• we took local fan-only buses from Pai-Mae Hong Son (about 90b each, once a day at 11am) and Mae Hong Son-Mae Sariang (about 104b each, a few times a day in the morning). Both were perfectly comfortable

Pai-Mae Hong Son local bus

• there is an amazing, giant, free blue/white map that we found in Mae Hong Son's tourist office (but you can probably find it in Pai or Mae Sariang too) - it has maps, accommodations, and restaurants for all three areas and it was super helpful

the cover looks like this

• from Mae Sariang we opted to head south to Mae Sot (also known as Maesot, Mae Sod, Maesod) via songthaew... other than the cost (230b each) it wasn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be, the scenery is amazing and the locals are fun co-passengers

Now we go back to the plains, the heat, and Thai ruins - Sukothai, here we come!